Somewhere He Opens a Window

"Once you make a decision, the Universe conspires to make it happen."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Change. It's the one thing we can count on: nothing stays the same. Some people embrace change. They are always looking for something new, something better, something more exciting, or just something different. Others don't even like the word Change. Change means leaving behind the things that are familiar and comforting and stepping into the unknown.

The catch with those particular extremes is that the people seeking change may never hang around long enough to settle down and become comfortable with anything. Those who fear change may miss truly grand opportunities or fail to make new friends because they can't bear to see what they love change.

I like to think you'd find me somewhere in the middle. I DO love change. I love coming up with new possibilities and new goals. But I also hate leaving behind the dreams of yesterday.

Last week I had to say good-bye to one of those dreams.

Forever Sky Ranch will no longer function as a boarding facility.

Wow. I finally wrote it out loud.

FSR will still remain an active farm. We have a year full of clinics and schooling shows to look forward to, thanks to Pam Herzberg. That hasn't changed. And the ranch will still remain available for those wanting to trailer in and train in the arena.

But I won't be boarding horses.

Mirka Pitts has decided to lease pasture space from FSR so she can continue training horses at the ranch. She will be renting the barn apartment when Janine leaves.

Janine.

If you have been reading this blog, you know that several times I have mentioned that when I had to say goodbye to my incredible barn manager that I was going to lock myself in my room and cry for a week.

Janine Smothers became the ranch manager in 2009, when Forever Sky first opened. She had been working as a vet tech at the Northwest FL Animal Clinic and with her school schedule getting more and more difficult, she needed to find a job that would allow her time to study (she was working on her Pre-Vet degree in Biology). I needed a responsible barn manager who knew how to work with horses. It was one of those "perfect timing" deals. (Or answer to prayer, however you choose to see it.)

I believe that Janine and I were meant to form a partnership and help each other.

But we both knew that our relationship could not last. Janine, as a dedicated student and motivated woman, was destined to go her own way once she had completed her degree, which she did this past December.

Janine graduated with honors. Since that time, she has been struggling with decisions about her future, with the changes she now faces. She also had to make a hard decision: that heading straight to vet school wasn't the right option for her. She doesn't have the money to pay up-front for that type of higher education, nor does she want to drown herself with over $100,000 worth of debt.

It's too bad, really. She would be an amazing vet. If I had the money, I would give it to her in a flash.

But Veterinarian work is not Janine's only interest. She LOVES research. Lab research. ANIMAL RESEARCH.

Okay, before the hair on your neck start to prickle, Janine is quick to point out the many facets of animal research that have nothing to do with harming animals, such as animal behavior research, research in the care and preservation of wildlife, and agricultural animal research.

"I love to work with real live animals outdoors," says Janine, "I also like the laboratory work. Doing both would be awesome!"

She has the education. She has the determination. She has the passion. Now she just needs to find a job! (A bit easier said than done.)

Whatever company hires Janine is going to be just as amazed with her as all of us have been. I have never in my life met anyone so dedicated to doing a job the right way, so organized, so responsible, so trustworthy, so intelligent. Whoever gets her will be more than lucky. They'll be blessed.

I know I have been.

And I hope, even after all the changes, and regardless of what the future brings, that Forever Sky will continue to be blessed as well.

The Truth Hurts

When I was at the ranch on Friday, Janine was making fortune cookies to take to her church's New Year's Eve party. Instead of fortunes, Janine filled her cookies with resolutions. She gave me one. It was fantastic. (The cookie was good too.)

Inside my cookie was the resolution, "I will procrastinate."

Others included

"I will cancel my gym membership due to lack of motivation"
"I will gain five pounds by next year"
"I will be late to special events"
"I will get angry and yell at other drivers"
"I will not organize my files"
"I will stress about things I can't change"
"I will forget birthdays of friends and family"
"I will overeat on holidays."

"I made them as a joke," said Janine, "because no one ever keeps resolutions."

I believe that making the standard New Year's resolutions only sets us up to fail. Somewhere inside, we know we won't complete the tasks we set for ourselves. And knowing we won't succeed, we don't think hard enough about what resolutions we should make.

If you are honest with yourself, you already know what your true goals should be this year.

Many times when we argue with a friend or parent or significant other, we are given a clue about what we need to work on, especially if they say something that makes us really angry.

A simple comment about losing your keys or not listening or being controlling...those comments can only make us angry if there is truth to them.

If someone accused me of being greedy or impatient, it wouldn't bother me. I know in my heart I am neither greedy nor am I impatient. Those might be issues other people struggle with, but they aren't mine.

But when someone tells me that I am disorganized or I procrastinate or I don't spend enough time with my kids, or **drum roll** that I don't follow through with everything I say.... Man, those things hit home. And they hurt. Bad.

I am horribly guilty of not following through with things that I say. It's never intentional. I wake up feeling great and I tell my husband that we should watch a movie that evening once the kids are asleep. But then after a long day at the ranch, by the time the kids are down, the only thing I want to do is sleep. That movie I mentioned earlier? Let's do it another time, okay honey?

Or I tell the boys I'll be home at lunchtime to make cookies. Then the mule breaks or unloading feed takes longer than expected or I get caught up simply playing with my own horses, and lunchtime comes and goes. I arrive at the house in the evening to an innocent son who says, "You were just kidding, right mom? You were just kidding that you were going to be home at lunch."

That's enough to make me want to put my head in the oven. But then when Allen calls me out on it, I get mad. And defensive. And all because what he's saying is true.

I think we all have something we know to be true about ourselves, something we don't want to admit, even to ourselves.

Those are the things we should resolve to overcome this year.

Personally, even though I don't like "New Year's Resolutions," I have made a resolution to always do what I say I'm going to do.

I think the reason I dislike making New Year's resolutions is that when we don't reach our goals--we smoke that cigarette or eat that donut or show up late for an appointment or forget a birthday--we tend to give up. We quit. Our resolutions are broken. It's over.

But it shouldn't be over.

Instead, we should be like Weebles. As soon as we find our goals knocked down, we should bounce back. We should live every day like New Year's Day (minus the hangover).

Every day is a new start. Every day is a new chance. Every day is a new opportunity to succeed.

Better yet, every second of every minute of every hour of every day is a new chance to start over.

Failure should never wipe out a resolution. It should simply make it stronger.

So as the first day of the New Year comes to a close, I challenge you to break one of your resolutions. Break it, and realize that by breaking it, you haven't really broken it at all. Break it, and come away with more resolve than you had before.

Make this a year of resolutions that can never be broken.

Happy New Year, everyone! It is my sincere wish that you are able to live fully during every moment of this next, wonderful year.

Welcome, 2011.